Mid-semester Check-in

So.. hello.

Student Teaching is nearing it's half-way point. Which means that I am halfway done with student teaching. Which means I'm halfway through the penultimate step of achieving my dream of becoming a music teacher! (With the ultimate step graduating, of course). Wow. Life is crazy.

Anywho, I thought I would give a mid-semester check in, for those curious (I'll still give it, even for those who aren't curious). If you know me at all, you know I love lists, so prepare yourself.

1. Student teaching is so AWESOME! Wow, I'm presented with such unique and cool opportunities-- I feel so blessed. For example, I got to accompany the Olentangy Orange High School Marching Band to the OSU Skull Session this weekend. I've been to Skull Sessions before, but this time I was on the ground floor, which was WAY cool. Also, I've been able to network with other teachers in the Olentangy School district. I took posters to other elementary schools and met their music teachers. It was nice to get to meet them and get my face out there. I also helped out with the Instrument Fitting night for the 5th graders, so I was able to meet another middle school band director as well as many music representatives from Rettig and Music and Arts.

2. I've learned so much in such a short time. I've learned how I want to do things, and also how I do not want to do things. Not only have I learned a lot about teaching, but I've also learned a ton about myself. Such as the following:

• I get overwhelmed very easily. When I am given multiple tasks to do, even if they're easy, I get very worked up inside and stress out over them. I think it's because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and want to get them done as best as I can and as quickly as I can. But when I feel like I'm not getting them done quick enough, I get very worked up and disappointed in myself.
• I get sick kind of easily. In the short 6 weeks I've been student teaching I have missed a 1.5 days of school due to a nasty cold I was fighting. I also ended up in the nurses clinic because I couldn't breath (I'm still working on that one). My cooperating teacher thinks that it's because I care too much and go too hard, which could be the case.
• I feel most comfortable when I am super prepared. Whenever I get the chance to talk out my lesson with my cooperating teacher the day before, and am therefore able to write out a detailed lesson plan, I feel very confident in my teaching. HOWEVER, I'm getting much better at my teaching on the fly scenario.
• I'm not very organized. I like to pretend I am, but I'm not. And the real kicker is I have the capabilities and methods of being SUPER organized (almost OVER-Organized), but I never take the time to really put my organization methods into place. I'm working on that; it's actually my challenge from my cooperating teacher.
• I'm way too hard on myself, which creates a cycle of craziness linked to my first point.\
• I miss my family more than I could even describe. I've learned that I am a huge family guy. Whenever I talk with my CT (cooperating teacher) about my family, I get choked up because I care about and miss them that much. And it's weird, because generally I see them every Thursday night. But I still miss them.

3. I love band, and am having a great time working in the band world. It has a special place in my heart. HOWEVER, if I had to choose RIGHT NOW, I would say that I would want to work in middle school choir. But, if you've ever listened or read my teaching philosophy, you know that I just love and believe in the power of music as a whole entity, so of course I'll teach wherever God leads me

4. God is my rock and a constant friend. I lean on Him daily to get through each day, because I know I can't get through without Him. I am thankful that He knows my name and hears me when I call. His blessings are always overflowing and the right amount at the same time. 

5. I absolutely despise the SYE projects and TPA that I have to do for my Student Teaching Experience. I see the benefit in both of them, and know they will make me a better teacher and a more well-rounded person; however, I do not like how time consuming and high stakes they feel. They put a lot of pressure on me-- and I wake up every morning feeling nervous because I feel behind in all of it. 

6. I have the best support system in the world. From my cooperating teacher to my supervisor to my friends and family, to my beautiful girlfriend... I am blessed to have people who want to make me a better teacher and a better person.

My Seminar professor said that Student Teaching has a way of bringing out the lessons you need to learn as an individual, even though all of us are experiencing the "same thing." My lessons are to be more organized, to be more thankful, and to continue to improve my teaching craft. All in all, so far student teaching has helped me realize that I chose the perfect career for me and am exactly where I need to be. 

And so it goes...

"Hey! How's student teaching going?"

Of course, they have the best intentions in mind.
Of course, they are just trying to show they care about me and what is going on in my life.

But, sometimes I wonder if people understand how loaded some of their questions are.

"Hey! How's student teaching going?" is probably the most asked question I receive on a weekly basis. Friends I happen to run into, supervisors, family members... they all ask it. At least they know what I'm up to! That makes me feel great. But, "how's student teaching going" is a question that cannot be answered in a simple, catch-all phrase that will get the point across. That will cut to the chase. No, there isn't one phrase that will suffice, other than  "Well, you know.. it's going" (and you have to put the emphasis on the going so people understand there is a lot more implied).

And that's because student teaching is so many things all at once.

Student teaching is great! For 99% of my experience, student teaching is wonderful. I'm so blessed to be able to step foot into a real-life classroom every day for a span of 12 weeks and truly hone the crazy craft that is teaching. It's an honor to work with one of the most talented teachers and passionate teachers I've ever seen; I learn so much from her in one classroom alone. It's incredible! And she's so caring, and knowledgable, and gives amazing feedback. I am thankful to work with her. I'm thankful for this experience

Student teaching is stressful. Even that is an understatement. I LOVE the TEACHING part of student teaching.. but the class portion stresses me out just a touch. So many TLAs (Three Letter Acronyms) thrown at me. On top of teaching every day, I have to fill out a Teaching Performance Assessment (TPA), which is a very detailed, very agonizing document that showcases my teaching. It's a great tool, and will in the end make me a better teacher. But I don't really know what I'm doing with it, and much like the rest of my life, the music world is WAAAYYY different than all the other disciplines. So it's hard to figure it out. And THEN, I have to work on my Senior Year Experience (SYE) project which challenges me to expand my focus to more than just the classroom and create a project that helps out the community I am teaching in. Again, it's a great concept, but nothing has really been explained to me. I have handouts and flyers and guidebooks, but that is essentially just words on a page that teach me nothing.  So yes, student teaching is stressful. I feel like I'm swimming in work that I haven't started yet because I'm not quite sure WHERE to start.

Student teaching is lonely. I am on a different schedule than pretty much all of my other friends. I see my roommates, and they're great. However, I don't get to see any of my other friends on a regular basis because I am at school all day, and they're at class. When I get home, they're still at class. OR, I get home and am so exhausted that I nap for part of the afternoon, and spend my evening working on lesson plans and other work. It's great, and definitely teaching me about time management and how to balance work-life and home-life; but, I don't really get to see my friends. And being the extrovert that I am, being alone all the time is extremely draining. Some may argue, "But Brice, don't you spend your whole day with students?" Yes. Yes I do. But they aren't my friends who I have life experiences with.. so I get lonely sometimes. And it takes me down.

Student teaching is everything I'd hoped it would be! This statement is so true. Every day I go into the school, I am certain that this is the right field for me to be in. I'm excited to start my career as a new teacher, and look forward to shaping the minds of my students. They will love music as much as I do in some way or another! But seriously, student teaching has been fabulous so far. I have laughed, I have cried, I have gotten sick, but I have never been more happy to be where I am now.

Student teaching is NOTHING like I'd thought. Although it is everything I'd hoped in the sense of my feelings. It's going in NO way like I had thought it would. And, honestly, that's a good thing. It's better than what I thought, because it's real. It's happening. And it's a wild ride.

Student teaching is not for the weak-hearted. It is a rough time. But, man, is it worth it.

So.."Brice, How is student teaching going?"

"It's...going."

And so it goes...

Just Be Held

Recently, I was able to go see Casting Crowns in concert.

Now, you may or may not know that Casting Crowns is my favorite group. You may or may not know that I have almost every song memorized by heart, and often meditate on the meanings behind each song. You may or may not know that it's Casting Crowns songs that cause me to have a lot of those "face plant" moments that I talk a lot about on here. You may or may not know that this was my very first Casting Crowns concert, and you may or may not know that I had a "face plant"/"Wow, God" moment during this concert.

Their new album, Thrive,  is an emotionally-charged album full of reflective works as well as those that speak downright truth with no holding back. One of my most favorites from this new album is the song "Just Be Held." I'm confident that if you read some of their lyrics, you too will love this song:

[ So when you're on your knees 

An answer seems so far away

You're not alone,

Stop holding on and just be held

You're world's not falling apart

It's falling into place

I'm on the throne,

Stop holding on and just be held

Just be held ]

Those words are extremely powerful to me. I think about them often; it speaks to my life directly. I need to stop trying to hold on through my own power. God has got it all under control! I tell people that. I believe that. It's time to start acting that. I need to stop holding on and just be held in the arms of my Savior. This song is equally poignant because I wrote a song for my godson, in which, by the grace of God, I penned the words, "Rest in the peace of the Creator of the stars." Perhaps God was already preparing my heart for this Casting Crowns song; by forming a different interpretation of "being held," or better yet, to reach the understanding of in order to rest with the Creator of the stars, you have to allow yourself to "just be held."

God's been building all of these points on throughout the past few months. I am also finishing a research project, where I am discussing the simplicity of a contemporary Christian piano composer. Because of this project, I have found myself dwelling in the idea and power of simplicity. A lot of faith is so simple-- God loves us! And we need God! That's such a simple concept, and yet contains the infinite power of a relentless Savior.

But the simplicity of "just be held" didn't quite sink in until I was at the Casting Crowns concert.

If you don't know me, you don't know that I love to sing. A lot. And, as I said before, Casting Crowns is my favorite group, so I sing at the top of my capacity with unashamed release whenever I am listening to their songs. It just so happened that they sang "Just Be Held" at the concert I attended recently. I was watching them perform, reading the words off the screen, and truly entering a moment of prayer. I remember praying, "allow me to be held, Father."

As the chorus (lyrics above) reached the beginning of its first iteration, my 1-year-old godson came toddling over to me under the table in the suite we were in for the concert. He had been a ball of energy the entire night, but in that one instance he appeared very calm. As Mark Hall sang the words "Just be held" at the end of the chorus, I look down to find my 1-year-old godson reaching up at me, longing to be held. Without even thinking I bend down, scoop him up into my arms and wrap him in the biggest hug of love I could offer. I really love that little guy.

And then it hit me.

IT IS THAT SIMPLE. To just be held, you have to be willing to release control to the one who is holding you. The one who is holding you is the one who controls where you go, how long you stay there, even what you see. And that's what God is wanting. He wants control over where we go, who we see, what we see, how long we stay there... He wants COMPLETE control over our lives. Why? Because to Him, "my future is a memory" (Casting Crowns, "Already There"). He knows what He's doing. It's time to embrace the simplicity and "Just Be Held"

And so it goes...

Choice

Look in
Look out
Look up

Those were the words my professor encouraged us with when discussing New Years resolutions. Of course, such resolutions had no meaning in our class. It just happened to be topic that her speech lead to, and therefore she began talking about it. Instead of choosing a resolution that you won't keep, my professor encouraged us to find a word or words that would be our words for the year. In order to find that word, we first needed to look inwardly to see how we were feeling in that moment (Wherever you are is called here, another quote from this professor). Then we were asked to look out at the people who we hold most dear. The ones we admire and care about. Look out at the ones who we feel for and to those from whom we draw inspiration. Finally, we were to look up to what gives us joy, feeds our faith, and again gives us inspiration.

I left that class thinking that it would be cool to have a word of the year, but I didn't think that I would commit to it. I told myself that if I didn't commit to finding a word of the year I wouldn't be disappointed when I didn't.

But then I did.



This past week has been one of the toughest weeks of my life. People who came in contact with me this week wouldn't have imagined that. I wore a wonderfully poised facade that displayed a content person unharmed by anything. And in essence, I was extremely happy. I love my placement. I love working with kids to make music. I love what I am doing.
But I didn't have peace.
I was stuck in this sin hole- knowing my sin was unholy. Reading about sin in my bible, and searching for answers for my life (Jesus is the answer, my dear friend Karly would remind me). I needed  to know that I was okay. And then, yet again, the song "All You've Ever Wanted" by Casting Crowns came on and I was reminded that God had taken care of everything.

EVERYTHING.

Like, He sent his ONLY Son to die for me. He continually reassures me that He never lets go, and that He is in control, because He's God. No small thing in Christ is truly small, because our God is BIG. God has taken care of everything, and has washed my sins away.
It is now my choice to accept that forgiveness.
My choice to accept the power and fact that He is God.
My choice  to not continue the life of sin (because God has given us freedom and allows us to choose- which again is because GOD IS BIG).

And here's the catch. Yes, of course I made that choice when I became a Christian. I chose to accept the love from a Savior who was so evident and so.. THERE... But that's not it. I have to make the choice DAILY. Every day, I have to wake up and choose not to walk in the darkness, but step into the Light of my Savior. Every day I have to deny myself, and make the choice to accept that God has already done it for me. He has already paid the price. He has already shed the blood.

Luke 9:23 "Then he said to them all: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."

Do you know what my word of the year is? (I'll give you a hint: It's also the title of this blog).

And now it is my choice to end this blog.

And so it goes...

Back to the Basics

"So, I have this awesome idea for a Camp theme," my friend Allison says to me during a random, yet much needed phone call. The whole idea was about going "Back to the basics" of our faith, our relationship with Christ, and our worship of our Lord.

It's a brilliant idea. So good. I love it so much. And, so naturally, I've been thinking about it nonstop since that phone call.

Jesus loves us. It's that simple.
Jesus died for us. It's really not hard to understand.
Jesus is our savior. It's easy to say.
Jesus will return. It's that basic.

But it wasn't until tonight (December 3, 2013) that it really hit me on how poignant going back to the basics really is. And.. as in many moments in my life.. it was brought to me through a song I was listening to.

Seriously. Have you heard Casting Crowns' new song? All You've Ever Wanted. The entire song is exactly what going back to the basics is all about. Some of the lyrics

All You've ever wanted, all You've ever wanted
All You've ever wanted was my heart
Freedom's arms are open, my chains have all been broken
Relentless love has called me from the start
And all You wanted was my heart

It truly is that simple. If we are to get back to the basics, we must first realize that, quite literally, ALL God ever wanted was our hearts. He did everything else for us. He opened up "freedom's arms". He broke all my chains. He for real did everything for us, and made it that simple. Just give your heart over to Him. All.

ALL.

All He's ever wanted was my heart
Your heart
Our hearts

And our hearts means something very basic as well. Our hearts hold everything that is dear to us. All He wants us to do is to give our hearts over to Him, so he can mold it into the heart He has intended for us. You know, one that follows after His heart. And yearns to be in His image. It's really not too difficult to understand.

We just cloud it out by all of our insane thoughts and needless actions. Doing good deeds, saying all the right things... But it's not that hard. He just wants our HEARTS

Join me, and let's get back to the basics.  Let's remember how simple Jesus love is for us. How, when it's all stripped down, All He's ever wanted was our hearts.

And so it goes...

Experience Music, Appreciate Music

It is my goal in life to have my future students experience music. In fact, it is my goal in life to have those who have significant contact with me (more than just an acquaintance) experience music. I think that music is such a fascinatingly incredible journey, and I can only wish that those who are close to me get to experience that journey someday.

And I don't mean that I want my friends and family and students to just listen to music. If that was my goal, it would already be accomplished, because people listen to music all the time. WHICH IS GREAT. But that's not my goal.

My goal is for them to experience the journey, and appreciate the process of music. Because, to me, there is nothing more rewarding than experiencing a good piece of music. And there are many reasons for this.

1. First and foremost, music came about as a way to echo the sounds of the gods. It was considered such a majestic sound, and our music was simply a reflection and human interpretation of the beauty of music. From the beginning, music was GIVING BACK TO GOD. How cool is that? Therefore, using my gifts of music every day, I am already giving back to God. Because that's what music was about.

2. Everyone has that one song that sends them back to that particular moment. All of the emotions and feelings are just as real as they were in the primary experience. Music is powerful.

3. LIVE MUSIC is constantly being renewed. I have friends who sometimes get aggravated when they are performing a piece they have worked on in a previous ensemble. This doesn't make sense to me! If you have continued to strengthen your skills as a musician, the piece should take on a completely new light. Furthermore, the piece is being performed with a different ensemble. Finally, good music is good music. I never get tired of music, because there is always something that grabs my attention.

4. Good music takes effort. If you want to have a fantastic performance, you have to put forth effort in your rehearsals of that music. How REWARDING! Seriously, working so hard on something and then kicking butt when you perform- that's the coolest thing ever.

To experience music, you have to appreciate music. Anyone who has picked up an instrument before, or even tried to sing, knows that music takes a lot of patience and talent. It's not easy to do what musicians do.. but, are you ready for it? EVERYONE HAS MUSICAL CAPABILITIES. If you can walk, you have rhythm. If you can talk, you have pitch. And those are just two examples (notice I didn't say you have the correct pitch, or the correct rhythm.. but "correct" is such a relative term in music anyway because it's constantly being RENEWED. See point 3 :) )

So I don't really know the point to this post. I just wanted to rant about some of my thoughts lately. I want people to appreciate the music that they are hearing, participating in, or rehearsing. If they appreciate the complexity of it and understand that they are capable of doing it, then they can experience good music. It's such a powerful  entity, music (which could be a whole other blog post for another day).  Basically, I love music. All music. Because music is music, and there is definitely beauty in all music. If you can't find the beauty in the music you're listening to, perhaps you should go back to figuring out how to appreciate the complexity of it. There is a meaning, there is a story, there is an experience.And it's beautiful.

What a blessing it is to be able to experience music. What a blessing it is to be able to appreciate music.

All music.

And so it goes..

Super JOY

Did you ever learn the song that teaches you to spell Joy?

J-O-Y, J-O-Y
This is what it means
Jesus first, Yourself last, and Others in between.

In the song they spell out JYO, but that's just to make sure that the song rhymes. Basically it teaches you what the true meaning of Joy is.

Jesus
Others
Yourself

Well anyway... during the most recent week of Camp I learned about the truest form of Joy and what it truly means.

At camp, we give nighttime devotionals to each individual cabin. A lot of times the devos have something that ties into or reinforces what was discussed at chapels throughout the day, or the devos could just be something weighing on the minds of the counselors (or they could just be based on the first passage of scripture they open up to because they forgot to prepare for the night's devos, which coincidentally are sometimes the best devos ever given...it's a God thing for sure). At the most recent week of camp, it happened to be my turn to give a devo, and I decided that since they were the little kids I didn't want to get super philosophical or deep with them. So I had them repeat "Jesus loves me" over and over again.

"Jesus loves me."
"Jesus loves me."

I could see the kids faces brighten because they knew the song (We sing it all the time at Camp), but I wanted them to REALLY understand that Jesus loved them, so I decided to switch it up a little bit.
"Allright boys," I said, "This time, say Jesus loves, and then state your name!"

"Jesus loves Brice"
"Jesus loves Nate"
"Jesus loves Reid"
"Jesus loves Them."-  A little boy, Marshall, was continuously pointing at everyone else and saying that "Jesus loves them." I watched for the first two times, and after the third time everyone kind of quieted down and started getting ready for bed. So I walked over to Marshall curious as to why he was pointing at everyone else.

"Marshall, why didn't you say that 'Jesus loves Marshall'? Don't you know that Jesus loves you too!?" In my head I was thinking that he didn't believe Jesus loved him and I was devastated that a 5 year old could believe such lies.

"I Know Jesus loves Me, Brice. I just wanted to make sure that everyone else knew that He loved Them!" Marshall informed me with the brightest smile on his face, and accompanied by a slight giggle. Clearly, this kid was joyous at the fact that Jesus loved everyone in the room.

That's Super Joy. Jesus first, yourself last, others in between. A five year old gets it.. why can't we?

And so it goes...