Look in
Look out
Look up
Those were the words my professor encouraged us with when discussing New Years resolutions. Of course, such resolutions had no meaning in our class. It just happened to be topic that her speech lead to, and therefore she began talking about it. Instead of choosing a resolution that you won't keep, my professor encouraged us to find a word or words that would be our words for the year. In order to find that word, we first needed to look inwardly to see how we were feeling in that moment (Wherever you are is called here, another quote from this professor). Then we were asked to look out at the people who we hold most dear. The ones we admire and care about. Look out at the ones who we feel for and to those from whom we draw inspiration. Finally, we were to look up to what gives us joy, feeds our faith, and again gives us inspiration.
I left that class thinking that it would be cool to have a word of the year, but I didn't think that I would commit to it. I told myself that if I didn't commit to finding a word of the year I wouldn't be disappointed when I didn't.
But then I did.
This past week has been one of the toughest weeks of my life. People who came in contact with me this week wouldn't have imagined that. I wore a wonderfully poised facade that displayed a content person unharmed by anything. And in essence, I was extremely happy. I love my placement. I love working with kids to make music. I love what I am doing.
But I didn't have peace.
I was stuck in this sin hole- knowing my sin was unholy. Reading about sin in my bible, and searching for answers for my life (Jesus is the answer, my dear friend Karly would remind me). I needed to know that I was okay. And then, yet again, the song "All You've Ever Wanted" by Casting Crowns came on and I was reminded that God had taken care of everything.
EVERYTHING.
Like, He sent his ONLY Son to die for me. He continually reassures me that He never lets go, and that He is in control, because He's God. No small thing in Christ is truly small, because our God is BIG. God has taken care of everything, and has washed my sins away.
It is now my choice to accept that forgiveness.
My choice to accept the power and fact that He is God.
My choice to not continue the life of sin (because God has given us freedom and allows us to choose- which again is because GOD IS BIG).
And here's the catch. Yes, of course I made that choice when I became a Christian. I chose to accept the love from a Savior who was so evident and so.. THERE... But that's not it. I have to make the choice DAILY. Every day, I have to wake up and choose not to walk in the darkness, but step into the Light of my Savior. Every day I have to deny myself, and make the choice to accept that God has already done it for me. He has already paid the price. He has already shed the blood.
Luke 9:23 "Then he said to them all: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
Do you know what my word of the year is? (I'll give you a hint: It's also the title of this blog).
And now it is my choice to end this blog.
And so it goes...
